An ode to my dearly departed

...uvula.
Really -
My good friend Yenny reminded me the other day that I didn't have one - since then, I have been in mourning for the tiny flap at the back of my throat that I forgot I didn't have.
Because I know this is exactly the kind of topical shit blogs are for, I will recount the story of how I lost my uvula.
But first - a little about the organ. I got this from wikipedia - dear god - I am bored at work, clearly.
The uvula is a small, mucosa-covered set of muscles, hanging down from the soft palate, near the back of the throat. The word is derived from the diminutive of uva, the Latin word for "grape", due to the uvula's grape-like shape.
If the uvula is touched by a finger or other object, this will induce an unpleasant gagging sensation which is often followed by vomiting. This is how bulimics induce vomiting.
The uvula plays an important role in the articulation of the sound of the human voice to form the sounds of speech. It functions in tandem with the back of the throat, the palate, and air coming up from the lungs to create a number of guttural and other sounds. Consonants pronounced with the uvula are not found in English; however, languages such as Arabic, French, German, Hebrew, Ubykh, and Hmong use uvular consonants to varying degrees. Certain African languages use the uvula to produce click consonants as well.

So I learned something today - I will never again speak Arabic. A shame - I was so good at it.
I lost my uvula in a war accident - how romantic - or I donated it to science, or to a little kid who didn't have one.
Shockingly, a more benign reason exists - they were back there anyway...taking out my tonsils, and my adenoids, and some other stuff behind my face...so they figured they would take that too! No consultations - no questions - just gone...and there I was, unable to speak or drink, for like 6 weeks at the tender age of 17.
Once I recovered, I learned the benefits associated with not having one, but the benefits will never outweigh the loss I feel. I have learned since that people pierce their uvulas - I have to say - I don't think I would have, but I mourn not having the choice.

Sigh - I don't think I will ever feel whole again -
Mourn with me friends - donations can be made to the Julie hates pants and has no Uvula fund, or the Micheael Bolton hair transplant foundation.